One month from today should be my FET (frozen embryo transfer) if everything stays on schedule. I went to CCRM yesterday to get my P4 levels checked (progesterone) and make sure I ovulated. My number came back at 4.5 and it should be above 5. My nurse left a message on my machine so I wasn't able to ask her about it, so I emailed her back after researching on Google about it. She said that the target is 5, but she talked to Dr. Schoolcraft about it and he said that was fine and I should start my Lupron injections. I had asked if we should wait another month for the number to raise (maybe it was off from all the shots last month, who knows!) but Annie said everything was a go and I should start the injections. So last night began my 10 units of Lupron again. Thankfully that's the smallest needle, but I realized how PTSD I am from the experience I thought I had already blocked from my mind, the smell of the alcohol made me sick, and the thought of doing more shots was almost too much to bear. At the time I got into such a routine not thinking about it because what choice did I have and of course it would be worth it to get a baby or two out of the deal. I never thought I'd have to go through it again.
So here I am now, praying I won't have to go through THIS process again. I will be on Lupron until I start my next period, then a few days into that cycle I will cut the Lupron dose in half, start my estrogen patches and progesterone suppositories, and start the Lovenox. I begin acupuncture again on Friday, twice a week through the transfer. I have started drinking caffeine again this last month, so that needs to quit as well to get that lining nice and thick before the transfer.
The other day I realized that even though I'm super excited for the transfer, part of me is dreading it. Dreading it because that frozen embryo right now is my hope...it may not be a huge hope, but it's the only hope I have right now of a baby, and after the transfer if God forbid it doesn't work, I've lost that hope and am left with nothing. As long as baby embryo is frozen I have my hope of a baby.
I started researching Conceptions again last week. This is all very premature because God willing, we won't need them, but I am making a Plan B (not the Plan B medication, quite the opposite - hahaha. For those of you living in a cave, Plan B medication is the morning after pill!) My Plan B involves having a plan in place if this doesn't work. Part of the plan is that Brian and I have a long weekend in early October that we have promised each other if things go awry, we are going to go on a long weekend somewhere fun. The other part of Plan B for me is needing to know that we will do IVF again in a few months, beg, borrow, or steal. Conceptions, I have found with my research, is about $5,000 cheaper than CCRM and they bill insurance first, and you just pay what insurance won't, which is also helpful. However, their success rates just aren't as good. The newest data out there is from 2009 (I don't know why they're so behind, it's almost 2012 people!) and in 2009 in my age group, CCRM had a 63% chance of having a live birth (bringing home a healthy baby from the hospital) and Conceptions had a 54% success rate. 9% is pretty high, but I have decided we will at least regroup with Dr. Swanson over at Conceptions who I did my IUI's with and see what his recommendation would be. And that is my Plan B. Sometimes my mind starts wandering to Plan C and I just can't go there, not right now!
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