A Scare

Well I have had quite a scare the past few days.  Sunday I was going to the Broncos game with Brian, I had cramping in the morning, but I didn't think too much of it since I have been cramping this whole time.  The cramping was a little worse than usual, for example, I wanted to take Advil for the pain but knew I could not.  I still thought I'd go to the game and ignore it, nothing I could do about it!  At halftime I went to the bathroom and saw brown spotting on my pantyliner which I've been wearing for the past several weeks because my progesterone suppositories.  It freaked me out.  When I wiped I had bright red blood.  I went back to the game but could not get into the excitement, even though they had just put Tebow in as quarterback and I am a big fan (was even wearing his jersey)!  I told Brian who tried to calm me down but he was very nervous himself.  About an hour later I went back to the bathroom and still was having bright red spotting.  I was so upset that I was losing the baby.  We went home after the game and I just lost it.  I called the 24 hour on call nurse who said there was nothing they could do to see what was wrong until my ultrasound Friday because the baby won't have a visible heartbeat until then, so doing an ultrasound now wouldn't do any good.  She seemed more concerned that I had cramping with it.  By this point it was back to being dark brown spotting, but I was still having cramping and was a mess.  She advised me to stay home from work the next day and keep my feet up to get the bleeding under control.  I emailed my boss and ended up telling him I was pregnant, even though I didn't want to tell him yet, so he would be more understanding.  I had just taken FTO last Friday and had this coming Friday scheduled off for the ultrasound, and with all of this FTO surrounding all my IVF the past few months, I was worried he would start wondering about me, so I came clean.  It actually felt good to get that weight off my shoulders.  He was fine and told me to rest up and not to worry about missing work. 

The bleeding appears to be under control finally.  All day yesterday I would just have a little bit of spottiness when I went to the bathroom and that was it.  Today a little left over, but no new blood.  I know that spotting can be quite common in pregnancy, but having the cramping with it makes it certainly more alarming.  I still have had cramping the past two days, but more at the level I was having before, but now, of course I'm a LOT more paranoid.  Friday seems very far away.  I cannot bear to think about losing this baby.  The good news?? is that I had bad heartburn all day yesterday and have been really nauseous all day today.  I am trying to tell myself that little baby is trying to make itself known and tell me "it's okay mommy, I'm here and I'm fine."  I really hope that is the case.  I will feel worlds better if we get good results on Friday.  I'm back at work today and trying to focus on my job, but this is very all consuming right now in my life.  I'm exhausted and just want to go lay on my couch or in my bed and watch tv and nap!  I joined a forum for other girls who went through IVF at CCRM and got pregnant and that has been comforting to have others in the same boat as me, though many are further along in their pregnancies.  Many of them had spotting and went on to have healthy pregnancies, but it sure does feel dooming to go through that.  On top of all of that I am trying to find an OB to go to when I get released from CCRM in a few weeks.  My old OB moved to Cleveland, so I have a call out to a few that friends have recommended, but just added stress right now not to know where we'll end up and also hoping this isn't all for naught come Friday.  Please keep praying for baby.  Our little fighter we need to fight more now than ever!