I think those things that don’t even cross our minds as possibilities but then happen are the things that devastate us the worst. I was prepared to be disappointed if the embryos didn’t stick once implanted, but this was something that had never even crossed my mind and I think that’s why it hit me so hard.
I’ve been googling it this morning to see if other people have had this problem and I found a few threads where this happened and in both cases the woman had similar medical issues to me and B. It’s so bizarre. I think it just dredges up those fears of what if we can’t have natural children. Why am I even here if I can't have children? That's what I've wanted my whole life.
I talked to my sister last night, and she said that whatever it was that stopped those other embies from developing, that ONE embie survived and kept dividing, and that makes it a fighter. All I can do is pray that she is right and that is our baby.
We have a regroup appointment with Dr. Schoolcraft Monday morning, so it will be really good to get his perspective on what went wrong. I think I'm at the anger phase of grief because I'm so angry that everyone was so confident that it would be such a success for us. We were told by every doctor, nurse, geneticist, embryologist, that we should only ever have to go through that once, and we would have enough embryos to create our entire family. I'm angry that we paid a LOT of money to go to the best place in the country, and wondering if they did something along the way to impede this? I just have a lot of anger this morning, a lot of sadness, and a lot of questions. It's going to be a long day!
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